Defenseless.

Assalamualaikum.

Ive been thinking a lot lately....and recent event hit me hard. I suddenly realized that i rarely ever defended myself, to anyone. Defending, justifying, explaining myself, those are things i dont do. That's the major reason why i am always misunderstood, getting judged at. In front of bosses especially, even when i did nothing wrong. At first i thought i have issues with authorities, the way i was raised, we never argue with elderly out of respect, i think that trait has been embedded deep in me. And then it hits me, among peers, among colleagues, even among friends, i never actually correct any misinterpretation that they have about me. 

And i know why. Its because im a cryer. I cry at anything. I cry when im sad, i cry when im angry, i cry whem im mad, i cry when im happy. Defending myself, will end up with me crying and not saying anything. What's the point, right? I mean, its better to be misuderstood, than to appear weak, right? Plus when at work, defending myself almost always means that i have to tell tale about others, and thats another thing about me, i will never save myself at the expenses of others. 

Eventually, i'll be the one to carry the blame. And because it has been happening for a while, i just dont care anymore. I dont care what people think about me. They can say whatever they want, think whatever they want. I just do my job the best that i can, i just be the best version of me that im able to. Whatever they think its their problems, not mine. Right?

Those who matters, know me well. Those who dont know me, dont matter.

This is so random. So so random.

I guess i just miss talking adult thing with adult. Have a lot to blog about, i just dont have the mood.

Assalamualaikum.