Defenseless.

Assalamualaikum.

Ive been thinking a lot lately....and recent event hit me hard. I suddenly realized that i rarely ever defended myself, to anyone. Defending, justifying, explaining myself, those are things i dont do. That's the major reason why i am always misunderstood, getting judged at. In front of bosses especially, even when i did nothing wrong. At first i thought i have issues with authorities, the way i was raised, we never argue with elderly out of respect, i think that trait has been embedded deep in me. And then it hits me, among peers, among colleagues, even among friends, i never actually correct any misinterpretation that they have about me. 

And i know why. Its because im a cryer. I cry at anything. I cry when im sad, i cry when im angry, i cry whem im mad, i cry when im happy. Defending myself, will end up with me crying and not saying anything. What's the point, right? I mean, its better to be misuderstood, than to appear weak, right? Plus when at work, defending myself almost always means that i have to tell tale about others, and thats another thing about me, i will never save myself at the expenses of others. 

Eventually, i'll be the one to carry the blame. And because it has been happening for a while, i just dont care anymore. I dont care what people think about me. They can say whatever they want, think whatever they want. I just do my job the best that i can, i just be the best version of me that im able to. Whatever they think its their problems, not mine. Right?

Those who matters, know me well. Those who dont know me, dont matter.

This is so random. So so random.

I guess i just miss talking adult thing with adult. Have a lot to blog about, i just dont have the mood.

Assalamualaikum.

Of Life: New Resolution

Assalamualaikum.

So last weekend was hectic. My adik ipar got married (he's the groom so we were busy sending him to the bride's reception.......which was like 2km away hahaha). The reception on our side will be on some time this month;, Im not sure the exact date haha Im such a bad sister in law I know. But we're going to balik kampung every week anyway so whats the different right? Im gonna be there anyhow.

And last weekend also, a lot of things happened, most of it include rudeness and I was itching to blog about it. But Im sort of putting it of (truth is, I didnt bring my laptop and typing on a small phone keyboard can get pretty annoying after the third paragraph) to a point where when I can finally vent it out, I no longer think that its that relevant anymore. I know for the time being nobody knows me on this platform but perhaps someday when I become a very successful and famous blogger (finger crossed guys -- Id much rather not, look at those grammar mistakes!), people will dig through the contents of this blog and realized who i was talking about, a lot of things will become big issues.

So Ive decided, if I ever hate someone and feel the desperate urge to rant about it in any social media, I would just put it off and wait until the rage over. Twitter is an exception of course, I have such a small crowd who dont bother to judge (I think, but who cares if they do, they never tell anyone about anything, theyre big in keeping secrets so I dont really mind if they indeed are judging me all the time hehe).

Im gonna have to do some house chores.. so until then, chiowwww!

Of Life: Selamat Hari Raya!

Assalamualaikum.

Selamat hari raya! Tahun ni walaupun last beraya kat Malaysia for at least 3 years *husband dah bagi hint yang kita most probably takkan balik raya sebab clash dengan jadual kerja* tapi macam tak berapa sangat nak bersiap. Baju kurung beli sehelai je! Selalunya at least lima pasang, sebab beli baju kerja terus. Maybe sebab nak cuti lama jadi tak beria sangat nak beli baju kurung baru. But fret not! Husband dah suruh tempah baju raya untuk tahun depan....... so hakak nak cari dan siapkan kaw2 kali ni. Dah la raya di perantauan, family jauh, at least baju kena la vogue de vasssss kaaannnn *jap lagi ko beli selai jugak je haha*

Anywayssss.. on preparation - ZERO! Baju anak2 dinasihatkan supaya beli kat sini sebab sana mahal... tapi asyik tangguh tangguuh to the last minute sebab takut baju cepat kecik hahahaha kalau boleh nak tunggu the very last minute baru beli... especially baju si amsyar. I swear he's grown at least 5 inch in 3 months.. jeans beli masa bulan april hari tu dah senteng! Tapi baju amsyar takpe beli banyak, boleh je turun kat ammar dan ayman..

Esok dah keje!

Of Life: Random Rant Episode 1

Assalamualaikum.

Tetiba decided to start blogging again. Sebab this is the only place where i can rant all i want, not caring who are judging, not expecting any response nor consolation. I can just rant. Banyak sangat benda dalam kepala, ku simpan-simpan lama-lama aku yang meletop.

Paling sesak dalam kepala: packing. Ive no idea what to expect.. Been googling for sometimes now tapi banyaknya orang cerita macam mana nak settle down sana, takde pon yang tulis pasal preparations, what to bring, what to expect, what to do before, during, after arrival etc. So i thing i need to write my preparation sebagai rujukan sendiri dan rujukan oramg-prang yang tersinggah sini. I tell u, packing nak travel jalan2 dengan packing untuk settle down for three and a half years sangat lain ye..... Kalau cuma nak datang jalan-jalan maybe boleh pack to minimum, tapi nak settle down takkan aku nak bawak empat helai baju sorang, lepas tu beli kat sana? Banyak la cantik.. Sape nak bayar semua? Kau pindah rumah pon kau hangkut semua.. Ni kau pindah negara, what do u expect? Belum lagi nak kemas rumah sebab suddenly husband decides nak sewakan.... Boleh pitam macam ni fikir...

Will continue later. I smell 💩💩 in one of these two diapers. Need to clean them up.

Till then.

after a while. kahkah.

assalamualaikum.

*tepuk-tepuk habuk*

havent been writing for a loonnggggg time. havent got time. ah sebenarnya kau pemalas bukak laptop. sebab malas nak gaduh dengan hero2 ku. nak taip guna phone juga adalah tidak best. hence the long halt.

gonna write my second delivery experience (yeee anak i dah dua uollss) soon but am not sure how soon. kahkahkah. padahal dah sembilan bulan beranak. hopefully i still remember all the gory details. my short term memories are super suck nowadays.

ok dah lah bai.

Testing.

Assalamualaikum.

Nak try publish entry dgn hand phone.

Got lotsa stuff going on in my mind but im too lazy to open my laptop and type.

Will try and update more soon.

Love,
Haniz.

of motherhood: breastpump review - avent manual

assalamualaikum.

 

*ini bukan entry sponsor. ini based on my experience semata-mata.*

di pagi yang hening ini - dah pukul 8.30 sebenarnya - lepas aku mengepam, terasa mcm nak buat review pump pula.

 

seperti tajuk, aku pakai pump ni. avent manual bp.

 

sebelum bersalin lagi aku dah decide nak fully bf my baby, insya Allah up until he is 1.5 yo. so ive been researching about breastpump for a few months jugak la...lepas research punya reserach, aku decide ni la yang paling ok. aku taknak pakai electric dulu, sebab ni first time nak pump jadi aku rasa lebih baik guna manual so that aku boleh adjust mcm mana aku nak pump kan. slow2 ke laju2 ke ikut pace aku. dan bila cari manual breastpump, aku buat conclusion berdasarkan pengalaman orang, ni la yang paling bagus.

sepanjang aku pakai dah 3 bulan ni kan, memang sangat selesa. aku langsung tak rasa sakit masa mengepam, maybe sebab dia ada petal cushion tu kan. review yang aku baca banyak kata avent ni banyak parts, susah nak assemble and basuh, tapi aku rasa macam ok jek. i can clean and assemble all parts in less than 5 minutes kot. bila pump pon kan boleh ikut pace aku. kalo aku rasa cik B sakit sgt sbb dh penuh, aku start la pump slow2. lepas tu bila dah byk memancut2 pas LDR (let down reflex, u can google this) aku tak payah nak pump beria sangat, sket2 je dia dah keluar. so far alhamdulillah susu banyak, cukup untuk my little amsyar. tapi aku tak start buat stok lagi wawawawa padahal kan aku nak naik keje lagi seminggu. baru ni ha menggelabah nak buat stok. hihi. insya Allah aku yakin cukup. yakin yakin. lepas ni memang gigih aku mengepam setiap 2 jam.

 

pada aku, kalau ko nak beli bp, buat research. medela freestyle memang nampak mcm best. electric, bleh sangkut kat baju ko tak payah menggelabah pegang, dan harganya pun sangat la mahal. tapi kalau ko suri rumah ke keje cikgu mcm aku, ko tak perlu pon freestyle sbb ko akan ada masa free untuk mengepam. freestyle ni bagus untuk mummies yang keje engineer yang asyik pergi site or business woman yang slalu ada meeting dgn client kat luar sbbnya diorang byk habiskan masa dalam kete dan tak ada proper palce untuk mengepam so this pump is for them. tapi terpulang. ikut kemampuan masing2. pada aku dpd aku habis beribu beli breastpump baik aku beli baju amsyar banyak2. kekekeke.

 

kesimpulannya, avent manual breastpump memang bagus. banyak parts, tapi once u get the hang of it dia jadi sgt senang dan cepat, tapi kan aku tak penah guna yang lain so aku tak bleh la nak compare. tapi untuk aku sangat ok la. berbaloi. walaupun aku tak beli. hadiah daripada my childhood best friend.

 

tu je kot. amsyar dah jerit. dah bgn agaknya.

 

 

love,

haniz.