Post 1 of 50 : 10 things you probably don't know about me

Here are some things you probably don't know about me.

1. I am actually a year younger than almost everyone in my batch.

In 1996 there was this exam called Penilaian Tahap Satu (PTS), and my batch (back then) was the

first Standard 3s to sit for it. If you passed, you had the options of skipping Standard 4 and went

straight to Standard 5, saving you one elementary year. Somehow I passed the test, and my parents opted for me to go straight to Standard 5 (after a lot of persuading from my teachers, I believe). The test they said was some sort of IQ tests, like the ones you answered in Facebook these days involving patterns and such, and I believe if you practice enough before the test, you can easily answer them all. But some of us who skipped one year did badly in UPSR (luckily I did okay), and after a few years the ministry stopped the entire thing altogether. I think if there is one failed experiment from our ministry, this would be the one 😆 Anywaysssss that's how I ended up a year younger than most people in my batch including my husband and all of my best friends.

2. I am the biggest scaredy-cat there is.

Seriously guys, I am really penakut. I got nightmares every time I slept alone. During my boarding school years, I always slept before lights off - no staying up for me because I didn't want to be the last one awake. I felt a huge relief every time I heard azan Subuh because nights were over. And in my Form 5 there was this huge hysteria episode went on in our school, oh God that DID NOT make things any easier. The incident haunted me for years, and it did get better when I went to uni. But I still don't watch horror movies to date. I made a promise to my then-boyfriend that I'll go watch horror movies with him after we get married because then I won't be sleeping alone anymore, but we've been married for 8 years and still I have not make good of that promise 😆

3. I don't eat kurma. 

When I was younger, I didn't even want to touch them. I don't drink anything kurma, I don't eat anything kurma. Not only kurma, but all dried fruits for that matter. I often have digestion problems - sometimes I don't do number two for days, yet I will never eat dried prunes even when everybody around me swears it works like magic. But I did eat fresh kurma when I did my umrah few years ago, that, I can handle. 

4. I have the longest love-hate relationship with Mathematics.

I mean, I aced my Modern Maths, but I didn't do so well in Add Maths. In fact, I failed once in my Form 5, which was such a huge wake up call for me because I never failed anything in my ten years of school. I studied like crazy afterward, forever asking questions from my dorm mates and class mates (luckily I was surrounded by plenty of Maths geniuses). I made sure I did one question before assembly in the morning, and one question at the start of every prep session. After SPM, I tried to shy away from Mathematics as far as I could. But I went to University as a Physics major, naturally most of my course mates took Maths as their minor. I did too, such a bad decision that was because my grades were horrible (but enough la that I didn't have to repeat) so I took an extra of four IT subjects to make it my minor. Boy I aced all four! But somehow in the system my minor is still registered as Mathematics, so I ended up teaching Add Maths instead. The very subject that I once dreaded. That's why I can empathize with my students' struggle, because I've been there too.

5. I am allergic to Rejoice (as in the shampoo), and Ponstan.

Rejoice gives me terrible headache, which I found out the hardest way, and Ponstan triggers these red bluish patches all over my calves and they itch like hell.

6. I am afraid of water.

Not aquaphobia level, but scared enough to avoid anything that involves submerging my entire body into the water. I had this since I was little, and I never really told anyone because we rarely went to waterfall or beaches back then; if we did, no one had really asked why I only played until waist level. But we went to Redang for our honeymoon and we only did one out of three snorkeling sessions we paid for, because I fell sick (like 40℃ fever) right after the first one. Banana boat scares me the most. What if I get thrown out into to water and no one realizes I am not there? What if I get run over by a jet ski? I can't even float, let alone swim!

7. I don't have any favourite colour.

Because it changes from time to time, right now it's emm... I don't know. But last month it was emerald green, and there was this one time that I was obsessed with royal blue.

8. I like folding and ironing clothes.

They're like my me-time, because usually I do them without my kids around. I hate dish washing though. Hate hate hate. I always avoid doing that in any kenduri.

9. I'm a decent cook, but a terrible, terrible baker.

I can't seem to make sense of the chemistry behind it; my cakes always sunk in the middle 😓 every single time I try to bake them. But my red velvet cupcakes get my kids' approval, so I think I will only make that from now on. 

FINALLY IT TOOK ME THREE DAYS TO GET HERE

10. My personality literally changes depending on who I am with.

I am not the most approachable teacher, I feel awkward when they start to act very friendly with me. I always build a high wall, a very distinctive boundary that clearly say "I am your teacher stop talking to me like I am your friend". I was once acknowledged as cikgu paling garang in school. Back in my uni days I was a head block, the most hated one that block ever had, I think, because I always had this bitch face on every time I had to unlock the gate when my block mates came home after the 12am curfew (who wouldn't be? They literally woke me up from my sleep and I am not an easy sleeper). My boy/man friends always said I am very stern, strict and kasar, that no one will ever wanted to marry me because of that. But people close to me will say the total opposite, that I am a very childish, immature, spoilt, manja girl who is too dependant and can never be taken seriously 😅 one of my bosses once said that I have a split personality, the teacher-me and the non-teacher me. 

THERE. I finally finished with the first one! Lets hope that topic two will be up tomorrow. Till then, daaa!

Post 0 of 50 : The List.

It has been a while. Again.

I actually have a lot in mind. But if I were to write them all here, this blog will turn into a place full of whines, and I don't want to spread negative vibes to others. And also at this age, I have been very careful with what I share in social media (especially Facebook, where all those bawang rangers are on active duty 24/7); I don't want to be one of those people who publicly express their emotions and feels on social media. One of the reasons why I also carefully choose my Facebook friends and Instagram followers too. And I don't write about my life here because it will be too boring (plus I hate placing watermark on my photos).

But yesterday a good friend of mine (one of the few who still blog by the way) wrote about this 50 blog post topics challenge, and I decided to hop into that wagon too! So I'm gonna list them all down here so that I can refer and make links on them later. There is no promise for a daily post BUT I will try my very best to not skip the topics!

The 50 topics are :


1. 10 things you probably don't know about me
2. Share your top 10 favourite movies
3. Travel bucket list
4. Travel essentials
5. How to properly pack a suitcase
6. Favourite childhood memory
7. An interview with someone you admire
8. Inspirational quotes and/or your thoughts on them
9. Outfit of the day
10. Recipe post
11. Share a few embarrassing stories
12. Favourite restaurants
13. Friday favourite post where you link to your favourite articles/sites from that week
14. 10 things I can't live without
15. Top 5 beauty products of all time
16. Book review
17. Music playlist
18. Date idea
19. Weekend snapshot post where you share what you do during the weekend
20. Monthly goals
21. Favourite blogs that you read regularly
22. Podcasts your readers need to listen to
23. Your biggest success in life so far
24. Your most epic failures and how you  overcame them
25. An important life lesson you have learnt recently
26. Your morning routine
27. Your bedtime routine
28. How you relax after a long day
29. Your idea of "A Perfect Day"
30."A Day in the Life of Me"
31. Grocery haul
32. Beauty/Fashion haul of the last thing you bought
33. Ask your readers a question
34. Write a letter to the younger you
35. Top 10 TV series of all time
36. Your favourite books
37. Why you started blogging
38. Arts and crafts tutorial
39. Host a giveaway
40. What's in my bag
41. Fitness routine
42. Favourite way to exercise
43. Your dream job
44. If you could have a lunch with an influential erson, who would it be
45. Favourite phone apps
46. A monthly must-haves (things you're currently obsessed with)
47. Things that make you happy
48. Things that make you organized
49. When do you feel most creative
50. Participate in a challenge





Okay, so lets get on with it!

Of Motherhood: Fight or Flight

7:30 pm. Kids all asleep. 

I switched off all the lights. Settled down in bed, wrapping myself in the thick blanket. And in that complete darkness and absolute silence, I bursted into tears.

Sobbing. Hard. 

Like a little OCD girl whose favourite doll just dropped into a muddy puddle.

Every emotion that I have been suppressing the entire day came hit me all at once. 

I don’t know if I am depressed. All I know is that I need a break. I need a day or two to myself. Without kids screaming to my ears fighting over some silly figurines or which YouTube video to watch.

I love my kids. With all my heart and soul. That goes without saying. I could not live without them. But a mom deserves to have a moment to herself, to remind her that this world, her world, consists of things more than just her kids. And I need that moment. Desperately. 

My husband? He’s the best. He’s been so amazing. Seriously. We’ve been together for so long, he can read me like an open book. He’s struggling too, I know, but he’s always there to hug me every single time my emotion gets the best of me. He knows stress management isn’t my best feature. He keeps asking me every single night, when it’s just the two of us, if I’m okay. If today is harder than yesterday. If I need some time to recharge.

I do. Of course I do. But the thing is, I want my me-time to involve him. I want to go on a kid-free getaway with him. I want him to be with me, just him. But I couldn’t do that. At least here. Who’s gonna take care of the kids if we both go away? Asking anyone to fly all the way here, to look after the kids while we’re having the time of our lives is just plain selfish. One of us needs to stay, and going away on my own will only intensify my loneliness. 

Yes. I’m lonely. Despite being surrounded by kids all day long, I feel so alone. I don’t have friends here. I mean I do and they’re all great and supportive and pretty much like family to me, but at the end of the day, everyone has their own commitment that I will find myself lurking at the quiet corner of Starbucks, having that sip of Frappucino alone. And it’s okay. They have their own struggles, and I totally, totally understand. 

Most of the time, I am okay. How can’t I? My children, they are smart, adorable, witty, forgiving. Even after I turned into a horrible monster who yelled at them constantly, they still want me to kiss them good night. But they’re kids. There are good days, bad days, screaming days, fighting days, crying days, and sometimes it got too overwhelming and I lost it. I wasn’t known for my patience. And me being a hormonal, emotional wreck these days, didn’t make things easier either.

Gosh I miss working. I miss having more purpose to my life than raising kids and preparing meals and washing clothes. I miss sending my kids to kindergartens and spending that stolen two hours watching movies and eating ice cream with my husband. I love being a mom, but I also love being myself. And I know I will be a better mom, if I can always be non-mom me. 

I guess not everyone can excel in being a good housewife. Especially me, who doesn’t have enough patience, so bad at handling stress that I break down every three days and keep wanting that time off I couldn’t have.

So for now, I’m praying hard that my husband’s PhD journey will run smoothly, so that he can graduate on time and we can go back home and be close to our families and live our usual lives. And for Allah to bless me with more and more patience each day, because He knows how much I need it.

Hang in there, self. 1.5 years to go. Allahumma yassir wa laa tu’assir.

Of Me : A Long Tale of An Exhausted Housewife.

My Nihongo classes started two weeks ago.

And they're exhausting me.

You see, I'm used to being exhausted. Being so tired I could barely lift my leg.  I went through 4 months of my first pregnancy with countless episodes of hyperemesis gravidarum alone because hubsy had finished his Masters in UTM and had to report back to work in Melaka. I once drove for 140km daily, embracing Pasir Gudang's traffic, while fighting through morning sickness during my second pregnancy, and a baby who still breastfed for 7 months waiting at home. I could do it all. No problems no complaints whatsoever.

But I haven't been so for almost two years, so this kind of exhaustion feels nowhere near the ones I had back in my full time working mom days. Like you stopped having a baby for like 4 years or so and then bammmmm you're pregnant again (which I'm not, by the way). Everything feels like the first time.

And it's killing me. And my legs.

I have three classes per week. Ok four, but two of them are on the same day. My day starts at 6.45am (lets face it, Subuh is now at 3.00 a.m., no one starts their day that early right? Of course we go back to bed). The first thing I do is put the dirty laundries in the machine. Then I make breakfast for the kids, usually just some biscuits or bread or cornflakes with warm milk, and move to preparing bento for three kids (they have menu prepared by school so I usually will try my best to follow it). Usually by the time their bento are all packed, they have finished their breakfast and I comb their hair, put on their shoes, jackets and bags. And hubsy sends them down waiting for their bus. I continue cooking lunch for hubsy's bento, at the same time, I make our breakfast. All of these happen within ONE HOUR, so can you imagine how multitasking I am in the morning? Hectic morning, and it ain't over yet no no.

At 8.15, hubsy finishes his dhuha and sits at the dining table, with his breakfast already prepped and his bento packed, safely inside his bag. We eat breakfast together, and at 8.30, I take my shower.

By 8.50am, we are all inside the car, ready to go. Hubsy sends me to the subway station near his campus for me to catch the 9.08 train, arrive at the town around 9.20, and I have to walk approximately 900m from the subway station to Ayman's hoikuen, and another 750m from Ayman's hoikuen to Shimin Centre, where all my nihongo classes are held. I'm always late, obviously, but in the occasion where we both missed the alarm, hubsy will send us straight to Ayman hoikuen, and from there I walk to Shimin Centre.

My classes are from 9.30 - 12.20, and then I quickly walk 700m again to Ayman's hoikuen, fetch him, and walk quickly again with long strides while pushing a stroller for another 1.2km to  catch the 12.59 p.m. or 1.24 p.m. bus, so that I can make it home before Amsyar and Ammar get home. In a good day Ayman stays awake throughout the entire 40 minutes bus journey and climbs three flight of stairs to our house himself, but lets face it a good day rarely happens so he usually sleeps the entire journey and will not stop crying until I carry him upstairs. So I have to carry a 13kg boy, a 6kg stroller plus my 3kg backpack to the third floor. THIRD FLOOR.

It is 1.50 p.m. or 2.00 p.m. now, depending on which bus I manage to catch. By this time I'm usually almost dead and my legs are almost detached from my body but hey, my day isn't over so I can't die just yet. And you, legs, stay right there you can't fall off yet your service is still needed.

At 2.25 the kids' school bus arrives, and also depending on Ammar's mood, I'm either holding both their hands climbing the stairs together, or Amsyar climbs on his own and I have to carry 18kg Ammar to the third floor (I always wonder why I'm getting fatter and fatter, I carry so much weight almost every day and I eat less than husby but he doesn't put on any kgs at all). Help them with shower and clothes, and then feed them lunch (again - they had their lunch at school already but  they're such monsters they're still hungry).

And then only I have my lunch. At 3.30 p.m.

Can't die yet.

And then it's suddenly 4.00 p.m., and I'm still in the kitchen whipping up food for my school of piranhas. Sometimes it's donut, or choc cuppies, or karipap, or just keropok ikan or store-bought french fries if I'm too tired. It usually also depends on the school bento menu, if they're having sausage roll or hamburger tomorrow then I make bread. And in between I let them colour or draw or play with their toys or watch tv,

And then it's time to cook dinner. 5.30 p.m. now.

Yes, I cook different meal for lunch and dinner, because my kids are that picky, they won't eat the same thing twice on the same day.

Feed them dinner around 6.30 p.m., teach them Iqra and some ABC and numbers after Maghrib/Isyak (whichever happens around 7.00 p.m. depending on the season). Brush their teeth, help them change into pajamas and at 8.30 p.m., FORCE them to sleep. After the kids are in bed, I clean the kitchen, prep for tomorrow's bento menu, swipe the dusty floor (I swipe the floor every day and somehow it's always dusty - with biscuit crumbs and sticky rice on the floor), read notes from their sensei (they always have notes) and around 9.15, I retire to the bedroom and catch up with social media, or read books. Depends on whether I want to socialize with people or not that day.

Usually at 8.15 p.m. husby comes home and has his dinner while I'm struggling to keep the kids still while brushing their teeth. At 8.50 p.m., he goes to Masjid for Isyak and comes home at 9.40 p.m. to a tired wife, under the blankies, reading her book.

No no my day ain't over yet. No no.

It is now MY time.

And I spend it with at least 30 minutes of Nihongo (more if I have complicated homework), having a conversation with hubsy to report to him about how my day went and what new things his sons just learned to do today, or just to annoy him when he's too absorbed with his game he doesn't even hear a word I say. He rarely brought his work home with him, but sleeps late anyway catching up with his game (it changes, from Football Manager to whatever-I-couldn't-care-less). Sometimes when I'm too occupied with the kids (there are days where they want to draw or colour or read or want me to read) in the evening and they have bread in the menu tomorrow, I make bread.

And then it's suddenly 12.00 a.m. Time really does fly.

And when I just about to call it a day and doze off, Ayman wakes up (sometimes crying) asking for milk.

And only then I sleep.

To wake up again at 3.00 a.m. for Subuh.

And Amsyar peeing at 5.00 a.m.

And start the whole routine again at 6.45 a.m.

And this is three times a week. The other two I spend catching up with laundries (if the weather is good) and housewifing (read : washing the bathroom and the toilet, cleaning rooms, sorting clothes according to the season etc)

My husband helps too, when he can. He is the one prepping the kids in the morning - shower, dressing them with school uniforms, feed them breakfast (no not really he just sits with them making sure that they finish the food). He also throws the trash every morning.

And wakes up early during weekend to entertain the kids and makes the breakfast while letting me sleep in until 9.00 a.m. #howcaninotlovehim

I know there are thousands of housewives out there with more daily tasks and exhausting days than me, and this post is not me complaining.

This is just me pouring my head out before it explodes.

Speaking of exploding head, I have a post on MY tantrum in the draft, which I have yet to finished because it's too long. Longer than this one mind you.

Oh heck it's 5.54 p.m. now and I need to cook dinner and feed these tiny monsters I share my home with.



Now who's complaining for that long summer holiday, huh? ----> also me




And despite me questioning why the hell am I torturing myself with this alien language every time I try to complete my homework, I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY NIHONGO CLASS. They literally keep me sane.

#random

Save yourself, woman.

You brought yourself deep into this pit, you have to bring yourself out.

Get your ass up and start whatever it is you have in mind.

Only you can fix this.

Of Me : Not a Book Review.

I haven't been reading Malay novels for a long while. Really long. The last thing I bought was Tuan Anas Mikael because I was hooked by Aaron Aziz the drama adaptation, and that was what, three years ago? While I'm more into Harry Potter, LOTR, Twilight, Sherlock Holmes, stories with witches and wizards and elf and vampires and werewolf and investigation stuff like that #suchnerd , some days I just want to read without the 'pressure", I'll opt for good Malay novels.

And this novel that I'm going to write about, is written by the same author. One of the few Malay novel writers that I actually like. Because let's face it, unlike the variety of story lines from English novels even the chick lits, you can usually predict what will happen in Malay novels. But there are good writers too; my favourite is Hlovate - I have all his/her novels!

And the only reason I bought this (all the way from Malaysia, thank you Kak Noreen 💓) is because I watched the first two episodes of the drama and I was curious about the story line. And since I know that the novel is written by this author, I wanted to give it a try.

And so the book arrived here two days ago. Saturday night.

And I spent my entire Sunday reading it. In between cooking, feeding the kids, feeding the husband, doing laundry.

And I finished it before Maghrib.

And it has 900 plus pages.

"Seriously you have finished reading it? Were you actually reading or you just jumped to the ending?" My husband was surprised. But because he hasn't seen me too engrossed in a book in a long while (and he knows he's married to a book junkie, every time we dated, a visit to the book store is a must), he let me read the whole day and tended to the kids' needs (except for food lah, he couldn't even feed himself). The last time he saw me reading religiously was when he bought me the whole Shopaholic Series back when we first got married, before Amsyar. And when motherhood came, that's when I stopped my bedtime reading, because my eyes were practically sewn shut the moment my head reached the pillow. Penat!

I am a fast reader. I finished The Deathly Hallows in two days. And no, this book, you cannot jump to the ending. You'll miss a lot of plots.

And the only thing I can say about this book, it's worth the RM27 I paid.

If you're into light reading and just don't feel like reading Sophie Kinsella or Meg Cabot, you can try this one.

That's all I can say.

And now I wish someone is coming to visit so I can kirim more books.

When I don't have time to read, I have the books. When I have a lot of time in my hands, the books are all hard to access. The irony.


P/s: I'm also currently binge watching The Big Bang Theory.

#random

Nervous gila aihhhh nak tunggu weekend

UPDATE : NOT pregnant. Aunt Flo came visit on the sixth day.

Of Kids : My Love-Hate Relationship with School Holidays

This is the final week of their three-week spring holiday. Finally. FINALLY.

While I love them being at home all the time (NOT), engaging those extra hours with them kids also requires a heaven lot of extra effort.

And more time in the kitchen. When I say more, I mean MORE. Literally half day. Sometimes more.

You see, I have three sons. Three GROWING boys who are hungry all. the. time. Three different appetites.

Sometimes when they're being a group of lovable adorable boys, they eat whatever I put on the table.

But of course, those days almost never happened. In fact it happened only once, during these whole almost-three-week time.

The rest of the time was only them being totally jerks who keep asking and refusing the same food all day all night.

"Mummy I want nasi and ayam."

Nasi and ayam on the plate 5 minutes later.

"No mummy I don't want nasi and ayam. I want donuts."

😡

And they totally refuse nasi for meal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to feed your kids when they have no mood for nasi? IMPOSSIBLE. But they will be hungry. And will ask for food. And make kesian face. And ask for food again. That lapar word will become their zikir.

And because they know you love them so much you'll feel so tak sampai hati to let them starve so you push your a** up into the kitchen and whip something not nasi for them. Such manipulative little midgets these kids are.

Being in this country with limited choices of halal food that I can buy, put me in additional stress too because I have to make everything from scratch.

And you will never believe the number of unnecessary screams over silly stuff I have to endure every day.

Ammar will scream because Amsyar kills his dogs in Minecraft.

Ayman will scream because Amsyar wouldn't help him cool down his nugget.

Amsyar will scream because Ayman is screaming at him.

💆

And don't let me start on those tiny hateful LEGO pieces. They are effing EVERYWHERE.

My husband will be furious if he knows this, but I have threw away about 15 pieces (most probably more) of them. Into the garbage bin you go. DUMP. That's what they deserve.


Mummy loves you kids, with all her heart, she'll even throw herself in front of a bullet for you, without thinking twice. She is beyond grateful for your presence, she thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to her, you are the center of her life,  and she wouldn't be able to live without you.

But please, go to school where you belong and give this mummy of yours some peace of mind.




Two more days to go. Pray for my sanity.

Of Life : 2018 Resolution - First Quarter Audit

1. Drink two liters of plain water everyday

- NOT. SUCCESSFUL. I hate making regular trips to the toilet 😐

- Installed this one app from App Store called My Water today. Lets see our progress.

2. Lose 15kg.

- NOT. SUCCESSFUL. I actually gained 1kg from January 😖

- Have to drink lots of water. And brisk walk. Ohhhhh I really want to do daily brisk walk. But        with this kids I would probably just end up running after them and lose my shit five minutes after so, not now. 

3. Establish a skin care routine.

- So far, SUCCESSFUL. 

- Now I need to find some kind of serum for acne scars. Oh and maybe more moisturizer.

4. Get pregnant.

- NOT. SUCCESSFUL. Will blog about that later.

See you in June peeps. 

Of Life : Happy. But.

My sister is getting married.

That's the happy news. Masya Allah.

My 28 years old sister is getting married this June, a week after Aidilftri.

But.

But.

But.

My husband just got the email this morning, saying that his abstract is accepted for that something something conference in France. Which is a good news, but that also means he will be off to someplace in France (not Paris) for at least five days from 1 - 5 of July, and going back to Malaysia before that just doesn't make sense (and not healthy for our bank accounts too).

My parents had planned for the entire family to celebrate Aidilfitri here this year. But now there will be a huge majlis a week after raya, that plan had to be postponed to give time for my family for the preparation (and that will also cost a sum of money too, no way they can spend them on flight tickets to Japan for seven people).

Well. It's one of the sacrifices you make, being a loyal, faithful and supportive wife.

But I love weddings. I love that that will be the time to meet a lot of long lost relatives and catch up.

I still have three sisters and one brother, that means four weddings to go even if I miss this one, but hey, each of them counts, okay?


Two happy news.

Three devastating ones.

Because there's no way I can follow husband to France. With kids have schools and expensive flight tickets and all. I will be left alone handling these three Energizer bunnies.




Husband, you better love me more than you love yourself.

Of Love : Pimples and Annoyance

My husband noticed two big, cyst-like pimples on my chin this morning and said,

“Eh, you spent so much time washing your face, and you still get pimples? What’s the point of even washing your face thoroughly like that? Such a waste of resources. I don’t even have a facial cleanser and I have no pimples at all.”

I felt like smacking his back with the spatula in my hand 😒 Why lah so berlagak like that.

“ It’s because my two hormones, the ones needed for me to carry YOUR offsprings are not balanced you bright boy.” I answered annoyingly.

“You’re not even having your period right now, why are you blaming hormones?”





That’s why, you don’t marry an engineer who never took biology his entire life.

I’m ovulating, genius. 😒

#nasibbaiksayang

Of Japan : Fresh Milk and Fish Head

I bought a huge half fish head for 500yen a few days ago, and four liters of fresh milk for 165yen per liter excluding tax. My youngest still drinks from bottle (at 2.5yo, not a very Japanese thing to do I know) and we had trouble finding halal formula here so I've been resorting to giving him fresh milk since day 1 we were here. So in total it had costed me about 1200yen in total, which if I were to convert to ringgit, it'll be around RM45. A huge amount for fish head and fresh milk, right? So I told hubsy

"If we don't convert our purchases to RM, food around here is relatively cheaper than Malaysia, right sayang? I mean, where do we get fresh milk in Malaysia for RM1.65?"

It's this thing we Malaysians do here, we don't convert yen to literal ringgit (100 yen would be equivalent to about RM3.70 real time), but we always 'assume' 100yen is equivalent to RM1.00, so that everything make sense. I mean, canned drinks from vending machine is around 120yen each, in RM it would be what, RM4.50? That didn't make sense, right? 😅

Anywayssss. Back to our fresh milk. So my husband started comparing

If you work part time in McDonalds Malaysia, you will receive about RM6 per hour. Say you work 8 hours, that means you will get RM48 per day. A liter of Farm Fresh fresh milk is RM7.40 (from Tesco website).

Here in Japan, part timers in Saizeriya (a fast food chain store) are paid around 800yen per hour. Ok lets say for argument sake, they receive 600yen per hour (remember that we assumed 100yen is equivalent to RM1 earlier). After 8 hours they will be paid 4800yen in total. A liter of fresh milk is around 180yen (including 8% tax).

In Malaysia, you have to work at least two hours (RM12) to afford one liter of fresh milk (RM7.40).

In Japan, working just one hour (600yen) will allow you to buy three liters of fresh milk (540yen).

100g of medium sized prawn is 177yen. RM2.90 in Malaysia (based on Tesco website)
10pcs of L sized eggs is 190yen. RM3.00 in Malaysia (assuming RM0.30 per egg)
Boneless chicken is about 400yen/kg. RM12.90/kg in Malaysia.
Cheapest 10kg rice in Japan is about 2900yen. RM22.90 in Malaysia.
Frozen french fries 190yen/kg. RM5.99/kg in Malaysia (Tesco brand)
Chicken nuggets is about 600yen/kg. First Pride Chicken Nugget is RM11.99/kg (I was gonna compare with Tesco brand but it tasted horrible so it will not be fair)

And everything is taxed 8% here. No exception. Even sometimes if you buy fresh fishes and vegetables in wet markets, you will also be charged that tax.

Now compare what you can buy with 8 hours of working part time in Malaysia vs in Japan.

Can't you see the difference?

Lets see from another perspective. Say.... luxury.

Fresh graduates teachers' starting salary : RM2300 vs 200,000yen.

Iphone X : RM5149 vs 112,800 yen --> 2.23 vs 0.564 (price:salary ratio)
Samsung Galaxy Note 8 (128GB) : RM3399 vs 107,800 -->1.48 vs 0.539
Adidas Deerupt Runner : RM500 vs 14,040yen --> 0.217 vs 0.070
XBox One X 1TB : Rm2399 vs 53,978yen -->1.04 vs 0.2698

Japan's cost of living doesn't really look like it differs that far from Malaysia now, isn't it? At some aspect I think it is way cheaper here.


BUT. A big fat humongous but there.

While the vehicle prices are relatively cheap here, maintaining a vehicle is a. whole. other. different. story. I've blogged about it roughly in previous entry but I'm gonna blog about it in details after I understand them fully hahah when I have mood to do detail research again 😆


P/s: But this is only applicable to residents here, because we receive allowance and salary in yen. If you're a tourist, this 'assuming' thing will never work out for you, because you converted RM to come and spend here and 100yen really means RM3.70 😅

P/p/s: this entry is a lot of hard work hahah. I don't think I'm gonna write any informational entries like this again after this. At least not anytime soon. Expect more random, pointless rants after this 😁

Of Japan : Biskut Kapal

This, is one of the flavours of the ever so famous biskut kapal among Malaysian tourists who came visit Japan. Seriously, they all came looking for this thing.

And I think I can safely say on behalf most Japan residents, this biskut is overrated. They taste good like good chocolate, but that's all.

Japan has too many other chocolates that taste a lot better than this. These two are among my personal favourites.

On another note, I've been thinking of writing about places I've been in Japan. But I don't want to put photos of my kids without watermark, and it's too time consuming to put watermark in each and every photo.

How lah how.

Of Love : Compromise

On of my husband's favourite distressing method is sketching 3D house plans, for our future house which we plan to build from scratch (God knows when). He could spend hours doing this, and every time I saw him concentrating on his laptop screen, I will remind him about the things I want from a house, which are


1. Super organized and modern kitchen, with tons of storage spaces, a wide counter and huge sink  

    that can fit at least two large pots. The sink must be overlooking a window, so that it's always dry.

2. A huge refrigerator. And by huge, I really mean HUGE. Industrial size.

3. An organized laundry space with a dryer and hanging rails

4. A small walk-in wardrobe with mirrors as closet's doors so that we only have our bed in our
    bedroom, no clothes on sight

5. Two sinks in our bathroom, one for each of us.

And that's pretty much it. I don't care about living room design or the colour of curtains. I don't ask for make up area or dressing table or even vanity mirror because I never put on make up in the house anyway (always in the car 😆). I couldn't care less about the type of sofa or how should our garden looks like. Really. Even in the house we are currently living in, everything was pretty much decided by him.

And in his designs (yes there are plenty 😅) he complied with everything I asked for, except for two sinks in the bathroom. He just couldn't understand why do I need two sinks, we have been living perfectly okay with only one all these while.

Until last night.

For a few months now I've been religiously following a whole skincare routine before I went to bed and after I woke up in the morning, because I've been feeling guilty for not taking a good care of my skin all this time and now that I have turned 30, I need to start doing things so that I don't 'age' before time (and also because I've started to notice a few fine wrinkles on the corner of my eyes). Usually in the morning I wash my face after I've finished preparing breakfast and bento, and at night, the ritual usually happen around 11 o'clock before I go to bed. My husband will usually brush his teeth right after he finishes his dinner, so we never really bumped into each other at the tiny sink.

But last night we had a late dinner, and after I finished cleaning the kitchen, I went to do my facial ritual as usual. When I was at the second cleansing, my husband came in behind me and wait for a few seconds, before he went out of the bathroom again. After at least a good five minutes and I was in my toner phase, he came in again and said

"It has been a few minutes already, why are you not done yet?" with a super annoyed voice and went out into the toilet to do number 1, I guess.

He went out of the toilet a few minutes later and I was in my first moisturizer phase. He waited behind me, for a few minutes and watched me as I finished applying my second moisturizer and eye cream. After I finished all the rituals, I gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and exited the bathroom.

He entered our bedroom a few minutes later, wiped his face with my face towel and said,

"Now I understand why you wanted that second sink. You took at least 15 minutes washing your face, it's too annoying to wait."





Victory for me. 😆


All photos are from Google

#randomrant

I've moved on.

Everything that had happened between us, it's all in the past.

The hurt, the tears, the blood, all that phases are now over.

He's happy now, I'm happy that he's happy. It did hurt a little, no, a lot, seeing that it's not me who is making him happy. At first. A long first. The longest, hardest first in my life. I won't lie.

But now it's all over.

I took the steps forward. I want to be the bigger person.

I fell. Broken. You have no idea. But I got up a better person. Stronger. Classier.

Faking a smile, taking longer strides, and let my success after success speak for themselves.

I was fine before him. Of course I will be fine after him.

He was just a chapter. A book. A life.

I'm ending that chapter now. Closing the book. Leaving that life.

And I'm ready for a new chapter. I'm opening a new book. I'm living a new life.

I'm still broken. There's no mending my broken heart. It will never be the same.

But I'm no longer on the ground. I've picked up every piece. I've put them back together. Never the same, though. Way more fragile.

Hence the higher wall I've built around it. As my defense.

Until I'm less fragile. Until I'm ready to be broken again, while hoping I won't.

Which is not going to happen anytime soon.

But I plan. We plan. I had a lot of things planned.

Yet up there, there lies a bigger Planner. The best Planner. Him who makes things happen. Him who allows things to happen.

And I trust Him. I believe He knows what He's doing. I believe He knows what's best for me.

So I got up. I moved forward.

And pray hard to never be broken again.

A little something I had in my head for a while.

Of Life : Mommy is sick.

I just recovered from the worst flu in my life scratching that I haven't recovered from anything for heaven sake. My body still aches, my head is still throbbing like mad, nostril is stuffy, I have thick brownish snot with tinges of blood, and my voice is stuck inside my voice box, cannot go out because my throat swells and hurts.

I've been sick since Tuesday last week and it's going to be Tuesday again tomorrow. That means, home hasn't been functioning properly for a week now. 

Kids skipped school, no proper breakfast, no bento for hubsy (and kids, hence the ponteng), no proper lunch or any meal for a week. I basically got up, popped in some acetaminophen, cooked a little, and slide myself into the thick blanket again. Repeat.

Until the acetaminophen stopped working. On Thursday. And my head throbbed like it's gonna explode in any second. 

Later that night hubsy said, "We go clinic tomorrow. You have your sick face on.You rarely have your sick face on." 

But he had a big presentation on friday (nihonjin has this thing of having lab meetings after 6pm, I honestly don't understand why), by the time he got back, the clinic would've been closed already so I told him we go on Saturday morning.

We had a nice lunch at an Indian restaurant near our house and went grocery shopping after. And despite such good Sunday weather, we stayed at home the whole day (and drove the kids mad because they were bored).

I woke up this morning with better feelings, made proper breakfast (nutella pancakes and hot milk for the kids and yakisoba for hubsy), prepared bento for them, did some laundry because the sun is out, and update my blog. Please pray I make it until 'publish'. I have like 5 drafts I haven't get to finish yet.

Now I wanna go annoy my youngest with my cuddles.

P/s: this is my attempt for regular blog updates. Some entries might be random, some might be even  useless. But if you're reading please bear with me until I get the momentum back, okay? Oh heck maybe I still write nonsense even then.

Of Kids: Toilet Training Tips (Not!)

Assalamualaikum.

Ammar is totally diaper-free!

Ammar in Jinbei, a casual version of yukata, during his youchien's bon odori

Ammar is my second son, and he's turning 4 in January. Sebab dia dah yang kedua dan we had experience from toilet training amsyar two years ago, so we kinda know what to do. Masa amsyar, beria la gigih cari tips tu tips ni nak toilet train ni.......... but after toilet training two boys, I can safely say this 

NOT ALL TIPS CAN BE APPLIED TO OUR KIDS.

Aku bagi contoh la ek, ni tips toilet train yang aku dapat kat facebook. and my verdict.

10 Tips Potty Training hanya seminggu

1. Jangan marah anak kalau dia terkencing/terberak dalam seluar.

My verdict : hari pertama - ketiga, boleh lah tak marah. Cakap baik2, puji bila berjaya kencing dalam toilet. Masuk hari keempat, dia dah tahap sengaja tahan kencing sebab dia sibuk nak main, pastu terkencing sikit dalam seluar, pastu berlari masuk bilik air. Seluar dah selamat kena kencing 😑 kau rasa macam mana aku taknak ngamuk? Memang aku marah lah.... takde la pukul, tapi aku amek simpan mainan yang dia tengah main tu, esok baru bagi. Kalau dia terkencing pagi nasib lah dia 24 jam tak dapat mainan tu...... kalau tengah tengok tv, aku tutup tv satu hari. Tapi dalam pada  mendenda tu kau kena bgtau banyak kali kenapa kau buat macam tu. Tanya dia, kenapa mummy simpan mainan? Kenapa mummy tutup tv? Sampai dia faham.

2. Belikan underwear/spender cantik2 ada kartun untuk galakkan anak.

My verdict: berkesan 👍 sampai tahap dia leka main pastu tahan kencing macam aku cakap tadi. Aku selalu kata jangan kencing dalam seluar, nanti spiderman basah pastu bau busuk, kesian dia. Masa amsyar dulu dia siap nangis bila terkencing dalam seluar, sebab spiderman dia dah basah 😆 tapi sekejap je la perasaan sedih tu hahaha

3. Jika anak tak fasih bercakap, akan jadi lambat skit.

My verdict : yes and no. Yes, sebab anak2 perlu bersedia sebenarnya untuk potty train ni. And no, dia tak perlu fasih pun. Cukup dia faham kencing, berak, toilet. 

4. Untuk working parents, cuba amek cuti seminggu.

My verdict : aku slalu potty train masa cuti sekolah so aku sentiasa ada kat rumah, tapi nak potty train ni, mesti kena berterusan. Boleh je kalau kau tak cuti tapi kena kawtim dengan pengasuh/nursery. Kau kena train straight jangan bagi pakai diaper, termasuk lah waktu malam. Once dh off, off terus. Bila kau selang selang lagi la payah nak mula balik. Masa aku train amsyar, kitorang start on monday, jumaat tu nak balik kampung. Aku kata kat KF, betul ke ni? Kalau terkencing dalam kereta macam mana? KF kata takpe kita tawakkal. Alhamdulillah ok, berhenti dkt RnR (balik kampung dua jam je pun dalam kereta), lepas tol berhenti lagi. Dia tak cakap nak kencing pun kau paksa jugak dia turun pergi kencing. Jangan pulak kau belasah dua jam dalam kereta tak berhenti pastu bila dia cakap nak terkencing kau marah sebab RnR jauh lagi. Itu kau yang patut kena rotan.

5. Start hari Isnin

My verdict : betul 👍 nak bagi senang kira, dan ala2 macam starting a new phase in his life gitu.

6. Selepas minum susu, bawak pergi toilet untuk kencing selepas 15 - 20 minit.

My verdict : sila gigih ya mak2 bapak2 sekalian. Ni kena buat. Sampai sekarang amsyar dan ammar dah agak succesful pun mummy ni asyik berleter suruh kencing lepas minum air.

7. Hantar anak pergi kencing setiap 15min. Lepas tu panjangkan sikit 20 min. 30 min.

My verdict : betul. Paksa kencing. Kalau pun dia tak kencing, cebuk je macam biasa. Rajin skit mak ye.

8. Bawa anak pergi toilet sebelum tido.

My verdict : ini WAJIB okay.... sebab dia dah kencing pun belum tentu dia takkan kencing atas tilam.

9. Bangunkan anak tengah malam untuk kencing, 2 kali.

My verdict : ni aku tak buat hahaha... malas aku nak kacau diorang tido. Confirm mengamuk menangis pastu aku pun sama nak mengamuk. So aku akan suruh diorang kencing sebelum tido. Jangan bagi minum air setengah jam sebelum tido. Dan yang paling penting - WATERPROOF BEDSHEET. Sila beli. 

10. S.A.B.A.R

My verdict : beli banyak2 buat stok ok. You'll need it. hahahah

My additional tips - yang ni strictly untuk anak2 aku ye.. korang boleh la try tapi aku tak guarantee la result akan sama, sebab budak2 ni bukan sama semuanya kan. Tapi aku dah try kat anak aku dua orang, so far alhamdulillah la.

11. Jangan mengelat. Once dah off diaper, jangan pakai kan balik. Terus je off siang malam pergi jalan ke mana2 ke. Sebab bila kau dah pakaikan diaper balik, nanti lagi payah kau nak buang. Memang payah laaa... aku tiga hari pertama hari2 jemur tilam oi.. pastu baru sedar kewujudan waterproof bedsheet hahaha... seluar jangan cakap la, aku siap pg mydin beli seluar murah2 tu dalam 10 helai sebab cepat gila seluar habis, asyik terkencing dalam seluar je. Tapi bila kau totaaly off mcm tu, dia lagi cepat belajar. Plus anak2 aku semua kategori penggeli, taknak seluar basah, taknak tilam basah. So bila dia dh terbasah tu dia dah tak buat dah sebab dia geli hahahah

12. Make sure anak betul2 ready. Tak semestinya by ready tu umur dia dah banyak. Tapi maybe kau boleh ajar awal2, setiap kali nak kencing dan berak kau bawak pg toilet walaupun dalam diaper. So dia faham yang nak nak membuang kena pergi toilet. Mula seawal mungkin. Bila dah betul2 ready baru nak take off diaper completely.

13. Mak bapak laaaaaa yang paling penting kena ready hahahahahaha........ sabar kena banyak oi, tenaga pun kena banyak, selain standby sabar, kau kena jugak lipat segala karpet yang ada untuk mengurangkan benda2 nak dibasuh (sebab tu aku train masa summer, masa winter aje cari pasal nak lipat karpet, tak pijak lantai laaa anak2 aku hahahah), dan standby jugak mop dan baldi paling canggih dan senang bcz youre gonna need it!

Sekian tips dari mak anak tiga hahaha dua dah lepas, tinggal satu lagi, tunggu summer depan lah! See you later alligator!

Of Kids: Makan Memilih, Tolong!

Assalamualaikum.

Baru dua minggu 夏休み (Natsu Yasumi - Summer Holiday) dan aku dah tak sabar nak budak2 ni masuk sekolah balik! hahahahaha #makjenisapa

Bukan apaaaaaa...... tak larat nak masak macam2 benda dalam satu hari... my kids are the typical picky eaters, dan ada tiga tekak maksudnya tiga jenis dishes yang berbeza. Penat! Lepas tu paling sakit hati bila, kita dah penat2 masak ikut tekak masing2 (maksudnya empat lauk berbeza termasuk untuk daddy dia), tetiba dengan takde rasa bersalahnya diorang announce

"taknak makan nasi, nak roti dengan nutella" 

😓😑

Masalahnya, kalau pergi sekolah tu, aku bawakkan bento sama je pun hari2... tapi makan je sampai habis. Siap makan lagi kalau aku letak strawberry ke apple slices ke. Kat rumah haraaammmm nak makan sayur buah segala. Tapi kat rumah, kalau hari ni dah nasi dengan ayam goreng, kau janganlah repeat balik lauk yang sama esoknya walaupun hari ni makan banyak gila bertambah2. Confirm tak laku! Takkan aku nak bagi makan roti dengan nutella hari2 kan? Itupun aku dah tahan2 KF drp beli roti hari2. Kat sini roti satu pek ada lapan keping je, budak2 ni sekali hadap habis dah. Seminggu sekali je beli roti, Kalau diorang nampak je ada roti kat rumah, confirmlah taknak makan nasi!

Bento pergi youchien

Jadi aku dengan KF dan buatlah satu strategi ni... makan cuma waktu makan, dan makan apa yang ada. Kalau taknak makan, sukahati, dipersilakan lah lapar sampai waktu makan yang seterusnya. Tapi aku buat makan empat kali sehari lah, breakfast, lunch, tea, dinner. 

Nan hadooooooo! Aku ingatlah mampu nak bertahan kalau diorang taknak makan.....rupanya bila taknak makan diorang berzikir pulak kat telinga aku, amsyar nak makan apa ni, ammar lapar, ulang sampai boring. Hari pertama kedua mampu la aku nak bertahan, hari ketiga aku dah kesian, sebab bila aku biarkan, diorang memang tak makan apa2 wey! Hadudududududu.... hari keempat aku masak nasi lemak dgn ayam goreng, empat pot tak cukup! Hari kelima aku masaklah ayam goreng lagi, tapi nasi putih biasa jelaa... langsung taknak. Stress aku!

Pagi tadi bangun2 je mintak karipap.... kau ingat karipap tu lima minit siap kee nak oiiii... semalam aku buat donut dua puluh biji, habis oi tinggal empat biji dalam peti aku tak goreng lagi. Hari ni takleh donut dah, diorang dah boring, kalau aku goreng jugak confirm makan secubit pastu sepah. Pastu aku yang nak mengamuk aihh

Hari ni masak nasi dengan sup ayam, pastu taknak makan, mintak makaroni.. aku dah buatkan makaroni, dia makan dua ketul je pastu kenyang. Lima minit pastu sibuk lapar lapar hoiihhhhhhh marah ni marah maaaakk

Macam mana nak buat anak redhooooooooo je menerima makan apa adanya wey....aku tak kisah pun diorang taknak makan sayur, makan nasi hari2 dengan apa lauk pun aku dah bahagia daaaahhhhhh.... dah la kat sini takleh nak beli, kalau boleh beli kuih2 tepi jalan tu lain lah ceritanya!

Kbai mak nak bertukar hijau sambil pegang rotan.

Of Life: Living in Japan - Expectation vs Reality.

Assalamualaikum.

Berbulan tak update blog, terus dah jadi japan resident kau ye.

We've been here since October 2016, and this month marks the 8th month we've been living here. If I have time and mood, im gonna write all about that in backdated entries, but please dont put your hopes high. Im getting more malas and malas each day, despite not having anything to do at home!

1. Our first expectation - jepun ni bersih sungguh! Bersih tahap kau malu nak buang sampah merata. Public garbage bins, if there are any, are categorized into specific categories - plastik, tutup botol (yes they have their own place), kertas, food waste etc, and the're all written in Japanese so we had some troubles figuring it out. The solution? Simpan sampah dalam beg, buang sampah kat rumah! Nak buang sampah pun guna duit ya... plastik sampah kena beli, bergantung pada size, tapi slalu aku beli yang paling besar tu 10 keping ¥400 (RM16), bole la tahan sebulan... Itu untuk food waste. Belum plastik sampah untuk plastik & bungkusan, sebab kat sini kena asingkan sampah dan sampah pun diambil berbeza mengikut hari.. nantila kalau rajin aku buat satu entry untuk pengurusan sampah kat jepun ni.

2. Japan is expensive. Like REAAAALLYYY expensive. Back in Malaysia, duit belanja dapur sebulan lebih kurang RM500, here the same amount, about  ¥12500 can only last for a week. Expenses sebulan lebih kurang ¥200,000, itu dah habes jimat dan tak pergi berjalan mana2. That's roughly RM8000 di Malaysia! .Kalau beli gedegang, air mineral sama harga dengan coke okayy 😆 Memang duit biasiswa lebih dari cukup, tapi tolak savings dan emergency fund, memang cukup2lah. Sini kita memang simpan emergency cash in hand, quite a big amount jugak, in case ada natural disaster (earthquakes, tsunami, typhoon etc), sometimes boleh blackout and there will be no ATM services or internet kalau nak beli tiket balik Malaysia. 

Antara kos yang mahal kat sini adalah pemilikan kenderaan. Parking memang berbayar, especially kalau kau duduk apartment atau rumah sewa yang tak sediakan parking. Mahal ya... boleh cecah sehingga ¥5000 sebulan (RM200), bergantung pada tempat. Some places can go even higher! Lepas tu kita ada shaken 車検 (pronounced SHA - KEN), lebih kurang PUSPAKOM la kat Malaysia. Bezanya kat Malaysia, kita pergi puspakom bila beli kereta second (please correct me if im mistaken), tapi kat sini, vehicle inspection ni kita buat dua tahun sekali, takde shaken kereta takleh jalan ye... kosnya sekali buat tu lebih kurang ¥100,000. Lepas tu kita ada road tax setahun sekali, bergantung pada jenis kenderaan, our car I think around ¥50,000. Lepas tu kita ada insurance, I think around ¥70,000, nanti I'll check the amount dengan husband. Kereta memang lah murah, contohnya Toyota Vellfire baru, yang eight seater, rasanya lebih kurang ¥3,000,000 (RM120,000). Kat Malaysia rasanya RM300,000 lebih kan? Tapi nak maintain kereta tu................ menangisssssssssss

3. Nk tau kenapa orang jepun kurus2 cantik2? Selain daripada diorang banyak jalan kaki (setakat 4, 5km sehari tu biasa untuk diorang), makanan diorang sangat bland. Banyak sup2, grill, sushi...paling hebat goreng pun tempura. Kalau pergi makan kat restoren jepun tu aku rasa macam nak bawak sambal kicap sendiri je drp rumah (dasar melayu sangat). Kita? Dengan kari, sambal, masak lemak....kalori bertan-tan. Jalan sikit pun komplen (aku la tu). Tapiiiiiiiii tak boleh la compare jalan kaki kat sini dengan jalan kaki kat Malaysia...sini paling panas pun 28°, tapi angin yang bertiup still sejuk, so kau tak rasa sangat lah kalau dah jalan berkilokilo pun.... cuba kat Malaysia dengan matahari tegak atas kepala, kau jalan 100m je belakang baju dah basah dengan peluh.

4. Siapa kata internet jepun laju berdesup tak pernah lagging? Itu semua sandiwara semata-mata..... sama je macam Malaysia, ada hari2 memang lah sepantas kilat. tapi ada hari2 internet Malaysia lagi laju.... stress taaaauuu, lagi2 surirumah macam aku yang internet tu je la kawan yang aku ada, nak borak dengan ojiisan bawah ni, tak pandai nihongo la puleeekkkk

5. Beranak kat jepun juga sangat laaaaaa costly... itu entry lain, since aku insya Allah akan beranak kat sini hujung tahun ni 😅 so Im gonna go in detail on that.

6. Dah puas kita kutuk dia, meh kita puji pulak. Kat jepun ni, susaaaaahhhhhh sangat nak jumpa stray animals. In fact aku tak pernah jumpa stray dogs, kucing adalah itu pun aku rasa ada tuan. Tapi anjing, maaannnnnn they take care of their dogs macam jaga anak ok.... dukung pergi vet, siap ada baju, pampers (seriously please believe me), stroller (ye ada stroller anjing ok).. maybe sebab kos penjagaan anak sini memang mahal (despite ada bantuan daripada kerajaan jepun lebih kurang ¥10,000 - ¥15,000 sebulan, mengikut umur anak), diorang lagi suka jaga anjing.. kat sini kalau jumpa orang jepun ada anak lebih dua kira amazing gila.... kita lah yang heret anak ramai2 kecik2 kat sini, diorang takde nye... kalau anak ramai pun mesti gap jauh..

7. Lagi satu aku nak puji, Frontliners kat sini, service diorang superbbbbbbb. Kalau kita pergi city hall ke imigresen ke balai polis ke bank ke mana2 la yang melibatkan urusan dengan manusia, dia punya kesungguhan nak tolong kita tu walaupun diorang tak paham bahasa inggeris, tapi usaha diorang, is something that our frontliners patut contohi... bersungguh ok, walau cakap bahasa ayam itik pun... kadang2 diorang sedia dengan google translate.. ada jabatan2 yang akan ada translator, tapi tak semua... ini memang aku tabik la kat diorang ni...

8. Satu lagi, cashier diorang. Sebiji sebiji barang yang dia scan tu, dia sebut harga kat depan mata kau... kalau ada dua orang kat kaunter, sorang scan sorang masukkan barang dalam box atau plastik, sikit pun diorang tak berbincang hari ni nak makan lunch apa, semalam drama yang fattah amin berlakon tu apa ending dia, habis shift nak melawat nenek sedara jiran kat ward, macam kat supermarket supermarket kat tanah airku tu..... takde ek, TAKDE. Diorang sangat hormat dengan customer... jadinya memang susah lah kejadian nak terscan sepapan petai harga RM400 tu nak berlaku kat sini. 

Banyak lagi aku nak tulis sebenarnya, tapi si kenit ni dah bangun so sebelum dia hijack laptop ni, baiklah aku serah sendiri pada dia secara rela, demi mengelakkan drama - drama beberapa episod yang boleh menyebabkan surat warning sampai (sini takleh bising, nanti jiran report polis 😓) . Till next entry (hopefully soon), mattaaaaa nee

Defenseless.

Assalamualaikum.

Ive been thinking a lot lately....and recent event hit me hard. I suddenly realized that i rarely ever defended myself, to anyone. Defending, justifying, explaining myself, those are things i dont do. That's the major reason why i am always misunderstood, getting judged at. In front of bosses especially, even when i did nothing wrong. At first i thought i have issues with authorities, the way i was raised, we never argue with elderly out of respect, i think that trait has been embedded deep in me. And then it hits me, among peers, among colleagues, even among friends, i never actually correct any misinterpretation that they have about me. 

And i know why. Its because im a cryer. I cry at anything. I cry when im sad, i cry when im angry, i cry whem im mad, i cry when im happy. Defending myself, will end up with me crying and not saying anything. What's the point, right? I mean, its better to be misuderstood, than to appear weak, right? Plus when at work, defending myself almost always means that i have to tell tale about others, and thats another thing about me, i will never save myself at the expenses of others. 

Eventually, i'll be the one to carry the blame. And because it has been happening for a while, i just dont care anymore. I dont care what people think about me. They can say whatever they want, think whatever they want. I just do my job the best that i can, i just be the best version of me that im able to. Whatever they think its their problems, not mine. Right?

Those who matters, know me well. Those who dont know me, dont matter.

This is so random. So so random.

I guess i just miss talking adult thing with adult. Have a lot to blog about, i just dont have the mood.

Assalamualaikum.