Of Me : A Long Tale of An Exhausted Housewife.

My Nihongo classes started two weeks ago.

And they're exhausting me.

You see, I'm used to being exhausted. Being so tired I could barely lift my leg.  I went through 4 months of my first pregnancy with countless episodes of hyperemesis gravidarum alone because hubsy had finished his Masters in UTM and had to report back to work in Melaka. I once drove for 140km daily, embracing Pasir Gudang's traffic, while fighting through morning sickness during my second pregnancy, and a baby who still breastfed for 7 months waiting at home. I could do it all. No problems no complaints whatsoever.

But I haven't been so for almost two years, so this kind of exhaustion feels nowhere near the ones I had back in my full time working mom days. Like you stopped having a baby for like 4 years or so and then bammmmm you're pregnant again (which I'm not, by the way). Everything feels like the first time.

And it's killing me. And my legs.

I have three classes per week. Ok four, but two of them are on the same day. My day starts at 6.45am (lets face it, Subuh is now at 3.00 a.m., no one starts their day that early right? Of course we go back to bed). The first thing I do is put the dirty laundries in the machine. Then I make breakfast for the kids, usually just some biscuits or bread or cornflakes with warm milk, and move to preparing bento for three kids (they have menu prepared by school so I usually will try my best to follow it). Usually by the time their bento are all packed, they have finished their breakfast and I comb their hair, put on their shoes, jackets and bags. And hubsy sends them down waiting for their bus. I continue cooking lunch for hubsy's bento, at the same time, I make our breakfast. All of these happen within ONE HOUR, so can you imagine how multitasking I am in the morning? Hectic morning, and it ain't over yet no no.

At 8.15, hubsy finishes his dhuha and sits at the dining table, with his breakfast already prepped and his bento packed, safely inside his bag. We eat breakfast together, and at 8.30, I take my shower.

By 8.50am, we are all inside the car, ready to go. Hubsy sends me to the subway station near his campus for me to catch the 9.08 train, arrive at the town around 9.20, and I have to walk approximately 900m from the subway station to Ayman's hoikuen, and another 750m from Ayman's hoikuen to Shimin Centre, where all my nihongo classes are held. I'm always late, obviously, but in the occasion where we both missed the alarm, hubsy will send us straight to Ayman hoikuen, and from there I walk to Shimin Centre.

My classes are from 9.30 - 12.20, and then I quickly walk 700m again to Ayman's hoikuen, fetch him, and walk quickly again with long strides while pushing a stroller for another 1.2km to  catch the 12.59 p.m. or 1.24 p.m. bus, so that I can make it home before Amsyar and Ammar get home. In a good day Ayman stays awake throughout the entire 40 minutes bus journey and climbs three flight of stairs to our house himself, but lets face it a good day rarely happens so he usually sleeps the entire journey and will not stop crying until I carry him upstairs. So I have to carry a 13kg boy, a 6kg stroller plus my 3kg backpack to the third floor. THIRD FLOOR.

It is 1.50 p.m. or 2.00 p.m. now, depending on which bus I manage to catch. By this time I'm usually almost dead and my legs are almost detached from my body but hey, my day isn't over so I can't die just yet. And you, legs, stay right there you can't fall off yet your service is still needed.

At 2.25 the kids' school bus arrives, and also depending on Ammar's mood, I'm either holding both their hands climbing the stairs together, or Amsyar climbs on his own and I have to carry 18kg Ammar to the third floor (I always wonder why I'm getting fatter and fatter, I carry so much weight almost every day and I eat less than husby but he doesn't put on any kgs at all). Help them with shower and clothes, and then feed them lunch (again - they had their lunch at school already but  they're such monsters they're still hungry).

And then only I have my lunch. At 3.30 p.m.

Can't die yet.

And then it's suddenly 4.00 p.m., and I'm still in the kitchen whipping up food for my school of piranhas. Sometimes it's donut, or choc cuppies, or karipap, or just keropok ikan or store-bought french fries if I'm too tired. It usually also depends on the school bento menu, if they're having sausage roll or hamburger tomorrow then I make bread. And in between I let them colour or draw or play with their toys or watch tv,

And then it's time to cook dinner. 5.30 p.m. now.

Yes, I cook different meal for lunch and dinner, because my kids are that picky, they won't eat the same thing twice on the same day.

Feed them dinner around 6.30 p.m., teach them Iqra and some ABC and numbers after Maghrib/Isyak (whichever happens around 7.00 p.m. depending on the season). Brush their teeth, help them change into pajamas and at 8.30 p.m., FORCE them to sleep. After the kids are in bed, I clean the kitchen, prep for tomorrow's bento menu, swipe the dusty floor (I swipe the floor every day and somehow it's always dusty - with biscuit crumbs and sticky rice on the floor), read notes from their sensei (they always have notes) and around 9.15, I retire to the bedroom and catch up with social media, or read books. Depends on whether I want to socialize with people or not that day.

Usually at 8.15 p.m. husby comes home and has his dinner while I'm struggling to keep the kids still while brushing their teeth. At 8.50 p.m., he goes to Masjid for Isyak and comes home at 9.40 p.m. to a tired wife, under the blankies, reading her book.

No no my day ain't over yet. No no.

It is now MY time.

And I spend it with at least 30 minutes of Nihongo (more if I have complicated homework), having a conversation with hubsy to report to him about how my day went and what new things his sons just learned to do today, or just to annoy him when he's too absorbed with his game he doesn't even hear a word I say. He rarely brought his work home with him, but sleeps late anyway catching up with his game (it changes, from Football Manager to whatever-I-couldn't-care-less). Sometimes when I'm too occupied with the kids (there are days where they want to draw or colour or read or want me to read) in the evening and they have bread in the menu tomorrow, I make bread.

And then it's suddenly 12.00 a.m. Time really does fly.

And when I just about to call it a day and doze off, Ayman wakes up (sometimes crying) asking for milk.

And only then I sleep.

To wake up again at 3.00 a.m. for Subuh.

And Amsyar peeing at 5.00 a.m.

And start the whole routine again at 6.45 a.m.

And this is three times a week. The other two I spend catching up with laundries (if the weather is good) and housewifing (read : washing the bathroom and the toilet, cleaning rooms, sorting clothes according to the season etc)

My husband helps too, when he can. He is the one prepping the kids in the morning - shower, dressing them with school uniforms, feed them breakfast (no not really he just sits with them making sure that they finish the food). He also throws the trash every morning.

And wakes up early during weekend to entertain the kids and makes the breakfast while letting me sleep in until 9.00 a.m. #howcaninotlovehim

I know there are thousands of housewives out there with more daily tasks and exhausting days than me, and this post is not me complaining.

This is just me pouring my head out before it explodes.

Speaking of exploding head, I have a post on MY tantrum in the draft, which I have yet to finished because it's too long. Longer than this one mind you.

Oh heck it's 5.54 p.m. now and I need to cook dinner and feed these tiny monsters I share my home with.



Now who's complaining for that long summer holiday, huh? ----> also me




And despite me questioning why the hell am I torturing myself with this alien language every time I try to complete my homework, I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY NIHONGO CLASS. They literally keep me sane.

#random

Save yourself, woman.

You brought yourself deep into this pit, you have to bring yourself out.

Get your ass up and start whatever it is you have in mind.

Only you can fix this.

Of Me : Not a Book Review.

I haven't been reading Malay novels for a long while. Really long. The last thing I bought was Tuan Anas Mikael because I was hooked by Aaron Aziz the drama adaptation, and that was what, three years ago? While I'm more into Harry Potter, LOTR, Twilight, Sherlock Holmes, stories with witches and wizards and elf and vampires and werewolf and investigation stuff like that #suchnerd , some days I just want to read without the 'pressure", I'll opt for good Malay novels.

And this novel that I'm going to write about, is written by the same author. One of the few Malay novel writers that I actually like. Because let's face it, unlike the variety of story lines from English novels even the chick lits, you can usually predict what will happen in Malay novels. But there are good writers too; my favourite is Hlovate - I have all his/her novels!

And the only reason I bought this (all the way from Malaysia, thank you Kak Noreen 💓) is because I watched the first two episodes of the drama and I was curious about the story line. And since I know that the novel is written by this author, I wanted to give it a try.

And so the book arrived here two days ago. Saturday night.

And I spent my entire Sunday reading it. In between cooking, feeding the kids, feeding the husband, doing laundry.

And I finished it before Maghrib.

And it has 900 plus pages.

"Seriously you have finished reading it? Were you actually reading or you just jumped to the ending?" My husband was surprised. But because he hasn't seen me too engrossed in a book in a long while (and he knows he's married to a book junkie, every time we dated, a visit to the book store is a must), he let me read the whole day and tended to the kids' needs (except for food lah, he couldn't even feed himself). The last time he saw me reading religiously was when he bought me the whole Shopaholic Series back when we first got married, before Amsyar. And when motherhood came, that's when I stopped my bedtime reading, because my eyes were practically sewn shut the moment my head reached the pillow. Penat!

I am a fast reader. I finished The Deathly Hallows in two days. And no, this book, you cannot jump to the ending. You'll miss a lot of plots.

And the only thing I can say about this book, it's worth the RM27 I paid.

If you're into light reading and just don't feel like reading Sophie Kinsella or Meg Cabot, you can try this one.

That's all I can say.

And now I wish someone is coming to visit so I can kirim more books.

When I don't have time to read, I have the books. When I have a lot of time in my hands, the books are all hard to access. The irony.


P/s: I'm also currently binge watching The Big Bang Theory.

#random

Nervous gila aihhhh nak tunggu weekend

UPDATE : NOT pregnant. Aunt Flo came visit on the sixth day.

Of Kids : My Love-Hate Relationship with School Holidays

This is the final week of their three-week spring holiday. Finally. FINALLY.

While I love them being at home all the time (NOT), engaging those extra hours with them kids also requires a heaven lot of extra effort.

And more time in the kitchen. When I say more, I mean MORE. Literally half day. Sometimes more.

You see, I have three sons. Three GROWING boys who are hungry all. the. time. Three different appetites.

Sometimes when they're being a group of lovable adorable boys, they eat whatever I put on the table.

But of course, those days almost never happened. In fact it happened only once, during these whole almost-three-week time.

The rest of the time was only them being totally jerks who keep asking and refusing the same food all day all night.

"Mummy I want nasi and ayam."

Nasi and ayam on the plate 5 minutes later.

"No mummy I don't want nasi and ayam. I want donuts."

😡

And they totally refuse nasi for meal. Do you have any idea how hard it is to feed your kids when they have no mood for nasi? IMPOSSIBLE. But they will be hungry. And will ask for food. And make kesian face. And ask for food again. That lapar word will become their zikir.

And because they know you love them so much you'll feel so tak sampai hati to let them starve so you push your a** up into the kitchen and whip something not nasi for them. Such manipulative little midgets these kids are.

Being in this country with limited choices of halal food that I can buy, put me in additional stress too because I have to make everything from scratch.

And you will never believe the number of unnecessary screams over silly stuff I have to endure every day.

Ammar will scream because Amsyar kills his dogs in Minecraft.

Ayman will scream because Amsyar wouldn't help him cool down his nugget.

Amsyar will scream because Ayman is screaming at him.

💆

And don't let me start on those tiny hateful LEGO pieces. They are effing EVERYWHERE.

My husband will be furious if he knows this, but I have threw away about 15 pieces (most probably more) of them. Into the garbage bin you go. DUMP. That's what they deserve.


Mummy loves you kids, with all her heart, she'll even throw herself in front of a bullet for you, without thinking twice. She is beyond grateful for your presence, she thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to her, you are the center of her life,  and she wouldn't be able to live without you.

But please, go to school where you belong and give this mummy of yours some peace of mind.




Two more days to go. Pray for my sanity.

Of Life : 2018 Resolution - First Quarter Audit

1. Drink two liters of plain water everyday

- NOT. SUCCESSFUL. I hate making regular trips to the toilet 😐

- Installed this one app from App Store called My Water today. Lets see our progress.

2. Lose 15kg.

- NOT. SUCCESSFUL. I actually gained 1kg from January 😖

- Have to drink lots of water. And brisk walk. Ohhhhh I really want to do daily brisk walk. But        with this kids I would probably just end up running after them and lose my shit five minutes after so, not now. 

3. Establish a skin care routine.

- So far, SUCCESSFUL. 

- Now I need to find some kind of serum for acne scars. Oh and maybe more moisturizer.

4. Get pregnant.

- NOT. SUCCESSFUL. Will blog about that later.

See you in June peeps. 

Of Life : Happy. But.

My sister is getting married.

That's the happy news. Masya Allah.

My 28 years old sister is getting married this June, a week after Aidilftri.

But.

But.

But.

My husband just got the email this morning, saying that his abstract is accepted for that something something conference in France. Which is a good news, but that also means he will be off to someplace in France (not Paris) for at least five days from 1 - 5 of July, and going back to Malaysia before that just doesn't make sense (and not healthy for our bank accounts too).

My parents had planned for the entire family to celebrate Aidilfitri here this year. But now there will be a huge majlis a week after raya, that plan had to be postponed to give time for my family for the preparation (and that will also cost a sum of money too, no way they can spend them on flight tickets to Japan for seven people).

Well. It's one of the sacrifices you make, being a loyal, faithful and supportive wife.

But I love weddings. I love that that will be the time to meet a lot of long lost relatives and catch up.

I still have three sisters and one brother, that means four weddings to go even if I miss this one, but hey, each of them counts, okay?


Two happy news.

Three devastating ones.

Because there's no way I can follow husband to France. With kids have schools and expensive flight tickets and all. I will be left alone handling these three Energizer bunnies.




Husband, you better love me more than you love yourself.